Little Girls
by vilestofworms
Summary: Chapter 4. Because there's still plenty to laugh at. Snape, hags, assaults, psychological warfare, and a romance that defies… well, the law for one. Space-time, too. Enjoy, faithful readers.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Although no one on this website owns anything, and I don't see why we have to do this… very well. I don't own the characters, etc.

Keep in mind this is a parody. Shut up. I like 'em.

DUNGEON HALLWAY

Snape walks down the hall. Bouncing happily. Doesn't sound like him, does it.

Snape: Tee hee. I banged a sixteen year old. Tee hee.

McGonagall: WHAT?

Snape: Go to hell.

The pair stop to observe Harry Potter darting around the halls.

McGonagall: (slowly) Harry? ...What are you... doing?

Potter: I'm being terribly original and sneaking out of my room at night!!! HA.

McGonagall: Harry... I understand your noble intentions to cause... some kind of mischief I imagine... but we just sent everyone to their rooms five minutes ago. It's only 8.

Potter: I know! Isn't it wonderful!

McGonagall: What could you possibly do in five minutes?

Snape: Have faith, Minerva.

Potter: I... don't know. Yet. But I've got a cup and a piece of string.

Snape: And I have confidence that you will find a way to USE that cup and piece of string for mischief.

Potter: (crying) No one has faith in meee.

Snape: (gently) That's because you're 16 years old and someone still has to sit with you to make sure you spell your name right on your assignments.

Potter: My name does too have E's at the end!

Snape: No it doesn't.

Potter: Does!

Snape: (louder) Doesn't.

Potter: DOES.

Snape: DOESN'T!

Potter: D-

Snape: (strangles Harry). "YOUR NAME DOES NOT HAVE TWO E's AT THE END! AND WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, THERE IS NO X IN HARRY!"

McGonagall: (Wrestles Snape away and drags him down the hall) Easy, easy there, big fella.

Potter: (skitters away to find someone to conspire with)

Snape: Well, off he goes.

McGonagall: We're all so proud.

Snape: Um. Actually. I've got to, uh, go. Important potions things going on. Brewing. That's the word I was looking for.

McGonagall: Can I help?

Snape: (considering)... no. No you cannot. (shudders and walks away)

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30 MINUTES LATER, SNAPE'S ROOM

Snape: (grunting)

Hermione: (growling)

Dumbledore: (munching)

Snape: (pauses) Hermione... do you hear that?

Hermione: Grr. Um. Yeah. What is that?

Snape: (whispers) It could be the power trying to come back on.

-Jurassic Park reference. Forget it-

Snape throws back the covers revealing Dumbledore lying on his side, eating lemon drops.

Dumbledore: I'm just so happy for you both.

Snape and Hermione scream.

Dumbledore: Ooo. That's hot.

Snape: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

Hermione: HOW DID YOU CRAWL IN HERE WITH US WITHOUT US NOTICING?

Dumbledore: Magic, and you were distracted. Lemon drop?

Hermione: (reaches out, smiling) Yes please!

Snape: (knocks the lemon drop out of her hand) Don't. You don't know where he stores them.

Hermione: (confused) What do you mean?

Snape: That robe has no pockets.

Hermione: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Dumbledore: Ooo. That's hot, too.

Snape: GODDAMNIT, GET OUT!

Dumbledore: Well, alright. That doesn't mean I won't still be watching, though.

Hermione: If this continues, I'm going to need either a bucket or toilet soon.

Dumbledore: (looks to Snape with watery eyes) Do I have to leave?

Snape: (gags) Yes. God, please, get out. This doesn't work for me if I don't think it's forbidden.

Dumbledore: (sighs and climbs out of bed) Fine. Be that way.

Dumbledore walks to the lamp by the dresser, takes off the shade and places it over his head.

Snape: That's not going to work.

Dumbledore: If I leave, can I take this lampshade?

Snape reaches down and grabs a shoe.

Snape: If you're not gone in 10 seconds I WILL throw this at you.

-Silence-

Snape: Damn it. Take the lampshade, then.

Dumbledore leaves it on his head and walks out the door.

Snape: (turns back to Hermione) Where were we again? Oh yes. Uhhhh.

Hermione: Grrrr.

-LATER-

Hermione is finishing dressing. The training bra gives her some trouble, so she decides to skip it. Not much use for it at this point, anyway. Snape is sitting at his desk, writing in his diary.

Snape: Of course. This makes perfect sense. Being a double-agent spy, and a solitary, private person, why wouldn't I be writing my every thought down in this apparently obvious diary?

(The diary is covered in pink fuzz and proclaims in glittery puff-paint writing: SNAPE'S DIARY)

Hermione: Um. And why would you say that aloud, as well?

Snape: Exactly. Because I hate logic.

Hermione: Or you've finally gone insane.

Snape: This is possible, as well. The strain on my mind from the constant prying of a murderous lunatic and Voldemort has surely driven me mad.

Hermione: (backing to the door) Well then. I leave you to it.

Snape: I'll be molesting... visiting later.

Hermione: (bumps into the door and scrambles to open it) Mhmm. See you then.

Hermione slips through the door quickly and shuts it behind her.

Snape: (to himself, grinning) I really did mean molesting.

Dumbledore: (from under the bed) I knew it... mmmmm...

Snape's head whips up and he glances about suspiciously.

Snape: FREEE CHO-CO-LAATE!

Dumbledore begins shaking under the bed.

Snape: FREEEEE CHO-CO-LAAAATE!!

Dumbledore rolls out from under the bed and is quickly hit with a freezing charm. Snape grabs his feet and drags him slowly to the door.

Snape: (muttering)...always hiding in here ...tricky bastard to keep out ...could set up little mousetraps with candy perhaps...

He finally manages to drag Dumbledore out of his chambers and into the hall.

Snape slams the door and goes about preparing Hermione's potion for their super secret forbidden rendezvous in the teenager's bedroom.

------------------------------------------ Will Be Continued -----------------------------------------

Actually I don't know whether to keep posting or not. Let me know. Remember- I have an ego to feed.

Also, as a side note, yes I'm disgustingly addicted to SSHG. This is just boredom run amok and stabbing me in the brain.

THANKS TO SPACI88 FOR HER ENCOURAGEMENT AND IDEAS

-Vilest of Worms


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Although no one on this website owns anything, and I don't see why we have to do this… very well. I don't own the characters, etc.

As the author, I must suggest you find a way to download or listen to Oingo Boingo's "Little Girls". If you do not have normal downloading capabilities, try this:

http://search.singingfish. com/sfw/search?asubmit1&aw1&sfora&dur3&fmp31&freal1&favi1&fmpeg1&fwin1&fqt1&fflash1&call1&cmus1&cmov1&crad1&coth1&ctv1&cnews1&cspt1&cfin1&rpp20&persist1&exp0&queryOingo+Boingo

Just delete the space between the '.' and 'com/etcetc', plug it in and pick the Little Girls song.

PS, don't turn me in for writing a web address. It's just a story enhancement.

And now for round two, where readers will learn where the seemingly unrelated title of the story comes from.

Previously:

_Snape slams the door and goes about preparing Hermione's potion for their super secret forbidden rendezvous in the teenager's bedroom._

Anyway:

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THE NEXT MORNING

Hermione walks down to the Great Hall for breakfast. When she arrives the sits down between her bestest friends Harry and Ron.

She sits down and spoons herself some eggs and grabs a piece of toast. Out of the corner of her eye she can see Ron making strange movements, and turns to him.

Hermione: Ron? Are you sick?

(Ron appears to be gagging but shakes his head no)

Harry: Ron's finally figured out that trick snakes do where they unhinge their jaws to swallow food whole.

(Ron's jawbone pops loose, to Hermione's and the general public's disgust, and Ron grabs the plate of ham and slides the food into his mouth. He slowly works it down. Without chewing)

Hermione: (mischievously) Do you think you could teach me that, Ron?

(Ron and Harry turn to look at her, surprised)

Ron: Hermione, you don't eat that much. Why would you want to learn?

Hermione: (panicking) I LOVE LEARNING! YOU WILL HELP ME OR I WILL BREAK YOUR NECKS!

Harry: (understanding) Oh, okay. That sounds more like her. Why question it? For that matter, why question why she disappears almost every night. And why she keeps showing up on the map as being in Snape's room during those times. And why if she's not there, Snape's in the Head Girl's rooms. And why-

(Snape swoops down and smashes him in the head with a steel breakfast tray. Harry slumps over the table, bleeding slightly. Snape looks around him and notices the entire student population staring at him in horror)

Snape: He... was reaching for a wand... Voldemort... and... he said he raped Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: (curious) Really?

Snape: You know you can trust me, baaaby. Come on.

Dumbledore: If I can trust you then why did y-

Snape: Shh shh. Later.

(Snape looks down at Hermione)

Snape: You too.

(Harry starts to stir on the table. With a groan, Harry reaches back to feel his head wound)

Harry: What happened? Who hit me?

Snape: (pauses) Voldemort.

Harry: (flings a hand to the ceiling and throws his head back) Daaaamn you Voldemort!!! I will have my revenge!

Snape: (flinches at Harry's screams) On second thought. It was him. (Points at Draco Malfoy, three tables down)

Malfoy: (sighs, exasperated) Sir, that would make it the 17th time. This month.

Snape: And yet he continues to recover...

Harry: What do you mean, 17th time?

Snape: Oh yes. Draco assaults you almost daily.

Harry: Of course... it all makes sense now...

Hermione and Ron: Oh Jesus. Not this again.

Harry: Malfoy, his father, Voldemort, and the rest of the Death Eaters dressed up as that ghost on Mr. Pembly's farm in order to scare away visitors while they continued searching for the gold rumored to be there. They used cheap video projectors to make everyone THINK that the ghost attacked everyone. All of this, of course, has its connections to Malfoy being an arrogant ferret prat-

(Malfoy smashes the tray on Harry's head, rendering him unconscious again)

Malfoy: 18, sir.

Snape: 20 points to Slytherin.

(silence)

Snape: (looks at Hermione and Ron) What, no comments? Protests?

Hermione: Actually, sir...

Ron: We're pretty tired of the constant 'revelations'. And Malfoy, you're actually at about 37 this month.

Hermione: No, no, 38. I got 'im last night.

Ron: Sorry. 38.

Snape: Last night?

Hermione: Yeah. After... um... detention.

Snape: Ah. Very well. By the way, detention at 7 o'clock. Dress formal.

(Hermione clears her throat)

Snape: Normal. Like you normally would.

(Snape turns and strides away, stumbling once on his obscenely long cape... robe, which trails ten feet behind him)

Hermione sighs.

Ron: What's with you?

Hermione: Such grace.

Ron: What are you talking about? Snape just tripped!

Hermione: No he didn't.

Ron: I just saw him!

Hermione: Look, FOOD!

(Ron whips around to the table, grabbing the dish filled with boiled eggs)

Hermione: I need to use the library.

(she gets up to leave)

Ron: (finishes swallowing) Be sure to wash your hands after.

Harry: (moans) What happened?

Ron: Malfoy gotcha.

Harry: (groans) Can we go plot somewhere?

Ron: (considers) Yeah. That makes sense. There's gotta be a plot. What kind of Harry Potter story would this be without a plot?

Harry: The usual kind.

Ron: True.

(Author slaps knee. Haaa, no plot, get it?... ah I'm good at puns)

---------------------------

(some time after)

(Snape is staring into his mirror, smiling and bouncing his head. The mirror shows "truth", which is extremely entertaining and yet unashamedly contrived)

Mirror Snape: (singing to Oingo Boingo)

I, I, I, love little girls they make me feel so good.

I love little girls they make me feel so bad.

When they're around they make me feel like I'm the only guy in town.

I love little girls they make me feel so good.

(Mirror Snape is dancing around gleefully, bustin' out those 80s dance moves)

They don't care about my one-way mirror

They're not frightened by my cold exterior

They don't ask me questions

They dont want to scold me

They don't look for answers

They just want to hold me

(Snape does the milkshake)

Isn't this fun? Isn't this what life's all about?

Isn't this a dream come true?

Isn't this a nightmare toooooo!?

I, I, I, love little girls they make me feel so good.

I love little girls they make me feel so bad.

When they're around the make me feel like I'm the only guy in town.

I love little girls they make me feel so good.

(Snape does the hand jive)

They don't care about my inclinations

They're not frightened by my revelations.

Uh, oh, take a second take.

Uh, oh, it's a mistake.

Uh, oh, I'm in trouble,

Uh, oh, the little girl is just too little too little too little too little too little!

Mirror Snape: (panting) Can I please be finished now?

Snape: Keep dancin', bitch.

Snape's reflection tries (rather pathetically) to continue. 4 hours of continuous dancing and singing is enough to exhaust even the most non-corporeal of us. Its eyes water, lower lip trembles, and its voice wavers as it wearily lifts its feet to get back into the song, false merriment now completely gone.

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Thank you to everyone who reviewed chapter 1. Please, let me know if this is worthy of continuation.

Oorah, motivated self-deprecation.

Oh, and thanks Spaci.

-Vilest of Worms


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three, in which we harass Snape.

Harry and Ron are sitting in their room after dinner. They have been thinking for hours now. Well, really only a total of 30 minutes, as they were distracted (understandably) by a shiny coin on the nightstand. Another student... we'll say... Neville, sat in a chair watching the boys first in confusion, comprehension, mild amusement, extreme amusement, confusion again, anger, and finally disgust. Once in catharsis, Neville did them a favor by removing the coin from the room and thus removing the object of distraction.

After some time, Harry and Ron decide that the best plot is one that will annoy Snape, hopefully harrassing him to beyond madness.

Harry: So what do we do first?

Ron: I dunno. What do you wanna do first?

Harry: I dunno. We could... um....

Ron: Throw... something?

Harry: No. He's had that shield thingamajig since last month when we threw fist-sized rocks at him everytime he turned his back.

Ron: Oh yeah... We could... stab him?

Harry: That sounds good. You got somethin' pointy?

Ron: Nah. Mum cast a spell to prevent me from "handling weapons with malicious intent" ever since Snape's angry letter about the knife we got 'im with.

Harry: (laughing) Haha. Oh yeah. Wasn't he in the hospital wing for a week with that stab wound? We sure got him good with that one.

Ron: (suddenly quiet) Do you ever wonder how come we keep getting away with this stuff?

Harry: Dumbledore says it's good 'cause it keeps him on his toes, wondering whether or not we're going to make another attempt on his life that day.

Ron: So... we're actually... helping?

Harry: I guess so.

Ron: Ah good. How 'bout poison?

Harry: Done it.

Ron: Use the invisibility cloak to sneak up on him and push him down the stairs?

Harry: We did that twice this week already.

Ron: Explosion?

Harry: Oh come on. We do that every day and it's yet to put him in the hospital for more than a few hours.

Ron: I think I've got something.

Snape is walking/striding through the halls between classes. His recently developed sixth sense for detecting imminent Potter-Weasley assaults is ringing.

Snape (thinking): Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Where are they? Fuck! FUCK!

Harry appears at the end of the hall.

Snape stops and the two stare at each other like the enemies they are.

Which is when Ron tackles him from behind, knocking Snape to the floor. Snape immediately tries to regain his feet but Ron does his best to entangle himself with Snape. Finally Snape manages to crawl on his back away from Ron and just when he is about to stand and deliver his most scathing lecture Harry tags him with the tazer.

Snape does an impression of a seizure victim for a few moments while Harry holds the tazer to his leg.

Finally Harry lets up.

Snape: Oh god. How the hell did you manage to get a tazer??

Harry: Magic.

Ron: And bribery.

Harry: Probably more bribery than magic, actually.

Ron pulls out a taser from his robe pocket.

Ron: (zaps Snape) That's for being mean.

Harry: (zap) That's for making fun of us.

Snape: (between shocks) OKAY! My bad, alright?

Ron: (zaps Snape) That's for being ugly.

Snape: (panting) That's not even a reason!

Harry: (zap) What?... (zap) What do we saaaay?

Snape: (panting harder) Alright, alright... I'm sorry?

Ron: (zap zap) And a suck-up.

Snape: You bastards.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dumbledore strolls down the corridors on the way to retrieve Snape's unconcious body from the public eye. He soon finds and levitates Snape. As they continue to the hospital wing at a leisurely pace, Snape wakes up.

Snape: (opens the not-singed-closed eye) If you want me dead I'd appreciate you just coming out and saying so.

Dumbledore: Where would the fun in that be?

Snape sees there is a mousetrap dangling from Dumbledore's beard.

Snape: That's just wonderful. Good job. You DO know you look ridiculous? You could at least have the decency to remove the trap.

Dumbledore: A man with a several penises drawn on his face has no right to call me ridiculous.

Snape's shoulders shake with repressed sobs. Insult and injury. He should've seen that one coming.

Snape: (in a strangled whisper) Kill.... me....

Dumbledore: Hahahaha. No.

Snape grimaces in more pain

Snape: Dumbledore, Voldemort's calling me. Put me down.

Dumbledore releases him.

Dumbledore: Looks like you don't have time to wash your face, too. That should be fun.

Snape appears in the center of the woods. It is cold, so he immediately begins shivering in his robes and mask. He walks to the bonfire roaring warmly. Looking around, he can see he's only apparated about a quarter mile from Hogwarts itself.

Snape: Brilliant. I just know tomorrow he's going to be throwing rocks at the windows of the school in the name of purebloods everywhere.

Voldemort: Ssssnape. Come forward.

Snape moves to the middle of the circle and kneels.

Voldemort: Sssnape. Remind me, wretch, what does the prophecy say will be my undoing?

Snape: Mphhmrmrhm "something the Lord knows not" something something.

Voldemort: Ahhh, yes. Have you done any research on the mphhmrmrhm part?

Snape: Uh, yes, Lord. Nothing yet. Sorry.

Voldemort: Crucio.

Snape looks around. Several deatheaters are waving their hands in a "come on, come on, play along" fashion, so Snape rolls his eyes, and then begins dramatically flopping around in apparent agony.

Voldemort: UNcrucio.

Snape sighs in the mud. He rolls onto his stomach and crawls to Voldemort's feet.

Snape: So sorry, my Lord. Please forgive my incompetence.

Voldemort: EEENOUGH! I have done my own research. By hiding in books, I have discovered that the way Potter will destroy me is with........................ LOVE!

(Deatheaters flinch)

Snape: Ah yes, Lord, very intriguing.... ah, how exactly will love destroy you?

Voldemort: I do not wish to knowwwww... However, I must not let love be my weakness. Snape?

Snape: (glances about) Yes my Lord?

Voldemort: I love you.

Snape: (silent)

Voldemort: I love you Severus Snape. With all my heart.

Snape: I'm, um, flattered.

Voldemort: And we shall live happily ever after?

Snape: Sure. Why not. I'm really blanking on a way to respond to you right now.

Voldemort: Never mind that, my love. Come with me!

(Voldemort whirls around and floats away majestically, Snape trudging behind to the poorly-stifled snickers of the other Deatheaters)

Snape: Um, my Lord?

Voldemort: You're going to have to come up with a better nickname than that, love. Something.... cute.

Snape: Yes... dear. I have a quick question, while we're roaming about in the shade of Hogwarts. Why in God's name do we gather here, of all places? Don't your two arch-nemeses live about 500 yards that way? What kind of sense does that make?

Voldemort: I dunno. You know, that wasn't very funny, lovey, isn't this a parody?

Snape: And a general lambast.

Voldemort: Ah, this is why we're doing so well so far, isn't it, dearest?

Snape: Don't give up on us yet.

Voldemort: Snape?

Snape: Yes, my lord.

Voldemort: Hold my hand please.

Snape: (to himself) God give me strength. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Note: Just for funsies. No $. Blah, blah, blah enjoy. Why do I have to say that? Does anyone actually think there's some lawyer adding up fines for copyright infringement, planning on suing everyone who uses these names? Strange.

In which we propose a humorous alternative to the "timeturner-makes-everything-wonderful" idea, or in literary terms: deus ex machina. Wiki that shit.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Snape is at the sink in his bathroom, furiously scrubbing his face, pausing only to alternately chug from a bottle of liquor and a potion which eases paranoia.

Snape: Oh sure this would go far quicker if I just used magic to get rid of their 'art', but then Snape would not have learned his lesson, would he? Noo. The more painful getting this shite off my face is, the more inclined I will be to prevent this in the future.

(There is a knock on his door)

Snape: GO. AWAY.

(The door opens, revealing a now 30-something Hermione, grinning)

Hermione: Look! I'm legal now! Thanks to time-turning we don't have to worry about someone thinking you're a little creepy for wanting me!

Snape: And thus ends my super-secret-forbidden-affair. You can go now.

Hermione: What? Why?

Snape: You're too old for me.

Hermione: (Closes her eyes and sighs) You've got to be kidding.

Snape: No. You're practically a hag.

Hermione: I'm still not even your age!

Snape: I am ex_treme_ly hag-ish. Thank you for bringing it up. Now if you don't mind I'm going to stir a cauldron and coo lovingly at it, wishing longingly for my former youth and beauty.

Hermione: UGH! Wait- beauty?

(Snape looks up, curious)

Snape: Yes. Beauty. Everyone's pretty when they're young.

Hermione: I'm beginning to see some of the reasoning behind this relationship.

Snape: Would you like some free skin-rejuvenating creams? I make them, as well as every other contrived potion necessary to further an otherwise unachievable plot.

Hermione: No.. thank you. On the other hand, I would love some private tutoring if you're interested...

Snape: There shall be no more tutoring of privates! I can see a wrinkle on your withering brow. Be gone, crone!

Hermione: Yes, yes, I get it, I get it. I suppose it IS about time for some Potter-wrangling. Ah, speaking of which, keep an eye out for the Harry and Ron duplicates.

(Hermione leaves, leaving Snape to glare, yes, glare at the empty room)

Snape: ...duplicates?

===========================  
(Later)

Snape walks along the corridors, face bright red from scrubbing it raw. Without warning (who? The audience? I never understood that...) he jumps into a darkened alcove milliseconds before Potter and Weasley turn the corner, eating and leaving a trail of crumbs and detritus in their wake.

Harry: Seriously... what's taking so long? This sort of behavior is supposed to set off the teachers' internal student-mischief-alarm.

Ron: It's odd we haven't seen a single one. It's like no one wants to take responsibility for dealing with us.

Harry: I'm starting to think that's been the case all along.

Snape watches with horror and a certain amount of awe for the sheer brazen rule-breaking they are accomplishing- being out long after hours, eating in the hallways, and Snape is quite sure they were in possession of some sort of contraband.

As the two pass the alcove Snape hesitates for a moment and fights every instinct within him to launch into a severe A-HA moment. After a second, he realizes this is a trap. For ONCE, he had figured out the plot before getting sent to a hospital!

(Snape startles as a horrified scream resounds down the hallway. )

McGonagall: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY ARE YOU THROWING TRASH EVERYWHERE?

Harry: Eatin' tasty snacks. And… sort of… spreading them around.

McGonagall: What? What does that mean?

Ron: Lookin' for the door to the common room, sir.

(McGonagall almost reacts, but realizes the futility. At least he was trying.)

McGonagall: (sighs) Oh for the love of God.

(She stares down the hallway and sees a slightly darker shadow within the alcove.)

McGonagall: 10 points from Slytherin for hiding from children, SEVERUS!

(Harry and Ron turn around and curse)

Harry: Damn. I thought we'd get him this time.

(Snape regally swirls out of the alcove and sweeps away without responding)

McGonagall: And now I shall deal with you little recidivists.

(She grabs them by their ears and drags them towards her office)

===========================  
(Meanwhile)

As Snape returns to his own business, he has the disturbing sensation of discovering new memories, as though something had just reminded him of his past.

With dismay, he realizes Hermione has taken it upon herself to travel into his past and has now just introduced herself as a cleverly disguised: Merhione Granger.

Snape: Noo! Get out of my head!

(The memory continues to spawn, and he 'remembers' Granger glancing around nervously)

Merhione: This is going to sound weird, Young Severus, but...

(Snape grimaces in the present... Young Severus?... That's how discreet she's going to be? He begins clutching his temples and running quickly towards the infirmary)

Merhione: I'm hiding a mysterious secret which you'll learn only _after_we bump uglies.

Snape-in-the-present: Please no! You're still too old for me!

(Snape decides to end the torture and runs head first into the wall outside the infirmary, knocking himself out cold. Which is when Harry 2 and Ron 2 round the corner...)

...TO BE... etc.

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Alright, so it's been a little while. Here's the thing: I was re-reading reviews for the old ego boost and I -no shit- got to thinking about some more ideas. My co-conspirator Spaci has been helping me bounce 'em around… makin' em crazier. Honestly, most of my time is spent trying to figure out a palatable way to use them but hopefully they'll come along soon. Anyway, this is kind of a warm-up for me. Please review... see what good it does?

-Vilest of Worms

P.S. Oh yeah… thanks, Spaci. And you owe me a coffee next weekend for beating you to the publishing.


End file.
